


dysphoria rants

by conksuckboot



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:50:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conksuckboot/pseuds/conksuckboot
Summary: sometimes i vent and it feels like a homestuck character and i feel like writing itso here we go
Kudos: 12





	dysphoria rants

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this isnt very realistic to trans femme struggles this is like  
> a copy pasted rant of mine w nothing but formatting added + man changed to woman and im transmasc nb so,, here

EB: sometimes i look down at my body and its wrong  
EB: you know like  
EB: its just  
EB: not me  
EB: i look down at myself and i think who is that? i think, who does that body belong to? and why am i looking down at it?  
EB: these hands are not my hands  
EB: my head has been chopped off and sewn onto the body of someone else  
EB: a cruel prank has been played on me  
EB: and i wonder  
EB: why am i like this? why do i have to be like this?  
EB: why couldnt i have my own from the start? why did i have to be someone else?  
EB: why did i have to be  
EB: placed here  
EB: placed here against my will  
EB: imprisoned within a body that is not my own  
EB: it's wrong  
EB: it's so, so wrong  
EB: i can feel it deep down and in my bones and it's fucking WRONG  
EB: and i'm sick  
EB: i feel so sick  
EB: every time i look at myself  
EB: it's wrong  
EB: twisted  
EB: malformed  
EB: disgusting  
EB: and i retreat into a little space in my mind where im me and its not like it is but its fake  
EB: its all fake  
EB: i know who i am  
EB: i know who i always will be  
EB: and i am stuck here  
EB: and i have to live as someone i am not  
EB: i have to go through things that make me sick because i was born this way  
EB: i was born into  
EB: born in  
EB: fuck  
EB: don't  
EB: i don't want to be here  
EB: i'm not a woman  
EB: i'm never going to be a woman  
EB: that statement doesnt upset me because its true  
EB: i just  
EB: dont  
EB: want  
EB: to  
EB: be  
EB: this  
EB: either  
EB: i dont want this  
EB: i dont want what i have  
EB: it's sickening  
EB: every aspect  
EB: sick  
EB: i dont  
EB: want this  
EB: i feel  
EB: so trapped  
EB: claustrophobic  
EB: in my own skin  
EB: its not even the bottom part thats so bad  
EB: its  
EB: everything  
EB: else  
EB: everything everything everything  
EB: i hate it  
EB: i just  
EB: want  
EB: gone  
EB: i want to be gone  
EB: i want to be  
EB: fuck  
EB: anything but this  
EB: because it isnt me  
EB: it isnt me  
EB: i can feel how NOT ME it is from my gut and i cant i want to break all of my fingers i want i want to chop everything off i want it gone  
EB: i want it gone  
EB: i want it gone  
EB: and i dont recognize myself  
EB: this isnt me  
EB: i wake up in the morning and i look in the mirror and i  
EB: i  
EB: feel  
EB: like  
EB: nothing fits  
EB: ive been stitched together  
EB: and  
EB: nothing  
EB: blends  
EB: my face on a body i dont know  
EB: my face on a body i dont want  
EB: and everything hurts  
EB: im so tired and im in so much pain and i dont want this  
EB: i dont want to be  
EB: awake  
EB: when  
EB: i have  
EB: to look  
EB: like  
EB: this  
EB: not look like  
EB: i have to be this  
EB: i have to be this thing that im not  
EB: and it hurts  
EB: and when it stops hurting it leaves me empty  
EB: empty and  
EB: windy  
EB: breath  
EB: i dont know where i was going with this  
EB: i just want it gone  
EB: i want it over  
EB: i want it to stop


End file.
